Growing up we’ve set goals, as we continue to grow up our goals change.
It’s funny when you’re a child you have life all figured out. Yea I’m going to be a doctor and have 2 kids, a girl and a boy, and live in a mansion, and marry so and so cause he’s the finest boy in the class. *nods head smacks lip* yep! But nobody told you that school would cost more than the average person can afford almost making it a luxury. And nobody told you that the finest boy in class would be the most abusive or a down low brother. And nobody told you that one of those kids would be out of wed lock with a no good baby daddy. And nobody told you that mansion sure gets lonely at night.
When you grow up, everything that once was no longer seems to be. You find yourself saying “if I knew then what I know now”. I’ve learned to roll with the punches. Chances are those things you wanted as a child are truly the things you still want as you’re growing up. But often we sell ourselves short of what we’re able to do. We settle for less cause life got that much harder. No I wasn’t blessed with a two parent home, and no I wasn’t blessed with the “finer things” but I was blessed with the opportunity to grow up and I plan to take full advantage of it.
Growing up we’ve set goals, as we continue to grow up our goals change.
The fear of getting your heart broke can really consume much of your time, many of your thoughts, and hinder some of your actions.
The fear is worse when you’ve already experienced a heart break.
I think the hardest thing in the world to do is trust somebody with your heart when you’ve trusted the wrong person before.
How do you allow yourself to be vulnerable when you’ve tried it and it was all bad.
You ask me about the boo, I say he’s great. And I mean that in every way possible the word great could be used.
There’s something about him that’s sooooo unexplainable.
But I was told somethings are meant to enjoy and not know.
Very valid point but I still wish I could explain.
For me to enjoy being single for well over a year and had plenty of offers to be taken off the market what makes him sooooo special?!
The way I felt about him from the time I laid eyes on him was unreal. I think he was the first guy I’ve ever liked prior to knowing if they liked me. *thinking* he honestly was….
He makes me feel….. Care free. I can spend all the time in the world with him and never feel bothered, irritated, or frustrated. He could be over my house alllllll day and I’ll miss him as soon as he walks out the door. He’s not too clingy but not too distant. He’s rough and gentle at the same time. He’s chocolate with nice teeth and a pretty smile even if he don’t want to smile for me. He’s quiet but firm. He’s this combination of everything that drives me insane but pleases me so well. I asked my homegirl how long does the infatuation stage last…. She said there is no time limit. I’ve been smitten since day one.
Timing is everything cause at a point in my life I would have tried to fight the feeling. But I think even if I tried I’d lose that battle. I’m so thankful for him even if I can’t explain it. This is one time in my life where I can say the feelings in my heart and the thoughts in my mind are actually on one accord.
I dedicate this to the guy downloading music on my computer. Thank you for being so unexplainable. :)
I dislike liars more than I do thieves. Because thieves are only after my salary while liars are after my reality.
The more I think about how you lied the more I dislike you. And honestly I don’t want to dislike you I just want to move on. I’m happy now but you keep trying to disturb that. I never understood why when you had me you didn’t treat me the greatest. And now that I’ve moved on you’re begging.
See I don’t dislike you for stealing my heart, but I do dislike you for lying to get it. And I don’t dislike you for stealing some of my brighter days but I do dislike you for lying to make the sun go away. And I don’t dislike you for stealing my time but I do dislike you for lying to get the clock to tick.
When I told you that you were a liar, you said I act as if everything was all bad and you did nothing good. No, everything was good I just don’t know if what I was feeling was true.
So there is no possible way I’d lie to myself because that ultimately means I’d eventually dislike myself as well.
I’ll take the thief just spare me the lies!!
I can always diagnose the problem but can’t come up with a remedy.
You see the problem is that I love him and don’t want to. Like I want to move on and forget about him, forget about us, forget about we. Wake up one day and forget he existed or that the feelings that I had for him were there. Or the flutter in my stomach every time I see his name pop up. Or wake up and not check his FB page to see if he’s still involved. Or wake up and forget about the 10 years we’ve spent getting to know each other, the 10 years we spent growing and learning, 10 years we spent of going back and forth and round and round. One day I want to wake up like he never happened and move on with life. But see it’s a little harder than it sounds. Each conversation picks up where it left off months ago. As if nothing ever happened. As if he wasn’t a liar and a cheater. Or still is for that matter. And as I continue to diagnose this problem I’m thinking the best remedy is to……
I think I’m still in a state of shock.
I tell myself it won’t change a thing. But I know that’s a lie because with the change of status comes a change in responsibility. I should have known the time would come. But things were great when he was just the crush. I mean things are still great now that he’s the boyfriend. But that mere title creates expectations. As my crush I can’t expect you to do anything because you aren’t obligated to do so. As my boyfriend….. Well that’s a different story. I don’t picture him as the doggish type. He’s pretty consistent and has been since we began to talk. It’s just been sooooooooooo long since my last relationship I really don’t know what to do. But I know if my expectations changed for him then his had to change for me or else he wouldn’t have posed the idea of becoming more than what it was. What if I fail to meet the expectation, or what if it’s not all it’s cracked up to be, or what if we were fine crushing but not fine to be a couple? I guess I’ll never know. But as my homegirl said Mia eff that life’s too short just be happy!
This journey called life….
So many people have so many mixed emotions about life…
Life is a beautiful thing….
Life is a €$@!*£…..
Life is what you make it….
To me, life is all about living it.
I don’t have a perfect life but I don’t dwell on the things I don’t have. I focus on what I do have and make the most of it. I only have one life to live and this ain’t no dress rehearsal, it’s the real thing. People get so caught up trying to compete with the next person that they put more attention on them and still end up losing. Everybody wants the lavish life. So once you get it or exhaust yourself trying to get it, then what’s next? Even at the age of 24, I have had a fulfilling life. I take risk, leaps of faith. I live as if I won’t fall cause God will always catch me. And even if He doesn’t the ground is no place for a champion. I live each moment as if it were the last. And whenever I do take that last breath I’ll be satisfied knowing I lived a full life. I live with no regrets because in each situation there is a lesson. Whether I was the one teaching the lesson or learning the lesson. I live each day as if it were on purpose! You might as well make the moat out of life because you’ll never make it out alive!
As a mother, I often think what I did prior to becoming one. As I look at my son sleeping in his bed all by himself, my heart smiles. It seems like yesterday I was going up to the hospital multiple times a day looking at my little fighter through a glass incubator. Those 77 days he stayed in that hospital were long and emotional. It was weird to have a child but not have him home. But not once did I ever think I’d go to hospital and they’d greet me with bad news. The moment I birthed him and he had his tiny eyes open I knew he’d be okay. He hasn’t missed a beat since. He keeps me smiling, brings me so much joy. Everything I do, I do for him. He’s my gift from God that I cherish and never take for granted. No matter how big he gets he’s always be my heart. Pumping life through me, making each day worth while, keeping my body functioning. I never knew how critical a mother’s love was until I became one.
One thing I’ve never liked regardless of the setting is double standards. For example if two girls and a guy have sex it’s a threesome. If two guys and a girl have sex it’s a train. That’s so not fair! But anyway……
Although I do not like them, I seem to practice them. Which is probably the root of my problem. I’ve always had a “I can do it but you can’t” attitude.
But in this case idk if my attitude is coming from not getting my way or having a guilty conscious. No we aren’t exclusive which is why I can talk to other guys. But that doesn’t mean he can talk to other chicks. And maybe he isn’t talking to other chicks it’s just the fact that I know what I’m doing so I’m looking too hard to see what he’s doing. And I guess none of this should matter cause I have no plans on being with him. But somewhere down the line I fucked up and caught feelings. Yea I forgot this was a business. So is it the fact that I’m spoiled and didn’t get my way or the fact that he could be doing what I’m doing. It must be true that partners start accusing the other partner only when they are doing wrong. So if I have a problem with him talking to other chicks then why did I decide to talk to somebody else. The weird thing is, I never even had an issue with it until I started doing it. Now that’s a double standard for ya ass.